Fascinating...

I just discovered a feature I didn't know existed...
*Which is not surprising, considering how infrequently I pop in to blog! ;)
The site keeps track of how many times it's been visited.
And I've had 982 people read my blog.
Wow.
I thought I was alone here.
Truly.
I'd convinced myself that there was no one reading anymore.
And, I must admit, the realization that nearly one thousand people have read my words is a li'l unsettling.  Especially since I'm sure most do not know me, cuz my friends & fam have forgotten about this whole thing.  I think.  I hope! ;)
Anyway...
I intended to get on & "share" how things are going with my lovely man...  But now that I know I'd ACTUALLY BE SHARING I'm a tad hesitant!  Silly, I know, but true.
I mean, I wonder what would happen if I allowed comments, at this point...  I'm sure it's safe now...  My fugitive husband is no longer an issue, as he's proven to be more concerned about refraining from being arrested than causing anyone any harm...  So that's good.  And, since that's the only reason I cut the comments off, I believe there's no reason to continue this isolation.  Right?
I don't know, I kind of liked the freedom I felt...  Thinking no one would ever pay much attention to my rambling.  I mean, I know I began this blog to connect & reassure, but it shifted along the way & now I've sort of "trained" everyone who loves me not to worry or think about me too much, so I've had quite a bit of anonymity...
And I've loved it!!
This new concept of others randomly reading my words...
*Though I've known that happens, I hadn't come face to face with proof!!
Well...
It's really altered my views.
And I don't feel like sharing much anymore.
*Though I am still typing, you notice that?  Fascinating.
So, bottom line:
I'm going to need to take some time to consider all this...
And, surely, I'll get back with you...
Sometime.
=)
Hope all is well in your life,
Angelina

WhodaThunkit...

There are no words to describe how I feel at this moment in time...
But here I am anyway.

And it's about damn time, wouldn't you agree?!
It's been so many months since I last wrote, it shocks even me!
*Truth be told, it's simply been a matter of not having real internet access...
But still!!
Shameful!

Anyway, I don't really care about that.
Let's dish on the good stuff, shall we?

It's been a crazy-awful-wonderful year...
Ups & downs & all the turns we've all come to expect from my life...
Only better. =)

I finished my first book.
I'm getting real time with my kids again.
I managed to keep from becoming a slut.
I'm totally gone over a fabulous guy.
I have a roof over my head.
I've maintained my faith under ever more trying circumstances.
I still love life!

Pretty good for a chick that's been homeless & job-less again & again.
Yeah...
I'm pretty damn proud of myself. ;)
*It's really a God thing, in all truth, cuz I'm pretty pathetic on my own.

Anyway, enough with the 6-month update...
Let's talk about tonight!!
So...
There's this guy...
Who's fabulous...
And I like him a lot...
And he finally acknowledged he likes me too...
And I'm pretty pleased about it all.
He's super-intelligent & immensely appealing & totally humorous & quite fun & surprisingly honest & rather respectful & incredibly magnetic & more, but best of all: His kisses are everything I hoped they'd be & that means perfect & I'm so happy I could burst!!
Good things come to those who wait! ;)
I have been unbelievably patient with this guy...
He REALLY took his time...
And I thought I might die.
But I survived.
And, wow, am I glad I hung in there!! =)

I don't know if we're a true long-term match or not...
But he's so worth the discovering process!
It's been interesting, that's for sure.
Even before I had a clue that he was into me, I was ending it with others.
I simply didn't feel right about dating them any more.
It was bizarre.
And I felt rather frustrated at the influence he was having in my life...
Without even meaning to, I mean, he didn't know or anything!
And, at the beginning, it wasn't like I was "breaking up" cuz I wanted to be available for HIM or anything, it was just a simple awareness that none of it was working for me anymore, but the more time I spent talking with him, well, the more I wanted more...
Craziness.
And I told myself not to want anything...
But I couldn't help it.
*He is SOOO appealing to me!!
And tonight, finally, he kissed me! =)
WooHoo!!
I have been insatiable when it comes to spending time with him...
I can never get enough.
I want more & more & more!
More time, more talk, more touch...
*There's been NO touch, so that one was Killin' me!!
And I can honestly say I've never wanted a man this way before.
Oh, I've wanted men, we all know that...
I've wanted them for many different reasons...
But I've never wanted a man for ALL the reasons.
And I've never been so patient & hungry all at the same time.
Damn.
How do I explain this??
I've always been either "horny" -I know, I hate that term, but it's the one I got right now- & rather impatient or I've been perfectly content with however the "relationship" panned out. I mean, I either wanted him to make-out with me as often as possible or I was super-patient with whether we turned out to be friends or more or less -though I'm not a major fan of "less", as I'd like to be friends with the whole world, of course- & the bottom line was that I just went with the flow with everything & had such unconditional love towards everyone that I just wanted "however it works out" to be the "best for everyone involved" & I was rather "whatever" about it all. Unless I was super-attracted & wanted kisses & then I was a li'l more invested. ;)
But this is different somehow.
I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but...
I want all or nothing with this guy.
I want more & more & everything.
And, in the past, I've thought, "Oh, it'd be so great if it works out with this guy, oh, please, Father, help it to be right, cuz this guy's so great & I really enjoy being with him..." -don't get me wrong, I'm still kinda doin' that with this one- but this time I've found myself realizing that it's not just a hope & a "Oh, gee! Could I please?!" kind of thing, it's like a damn-I-feel-magnetized-to-this-man-I-wonder-what-makes-him-tick-&-I-want-all-the-time-in-the-world-so-I-can-learn-everything-there-is-to-know-about-him-&-would-our-kisses-be-as-good-as-our-conversation?-oh-damn-that-ended-too-soon-I-want-more-more-more-more-more!!
EVEN WHEN I know I'LL SEE HIM THE next DAY!
THAT'S the weirdest part.
I mean, I've known I'll see him whenever I want, at least 3 times a week, since practically the beginning of meeting him & STILL it's not enough!! I haven't been able to understand what's happening to me! I've always been so content & comfortable with seeing a guy here & there & I've floated for days after a make-out session & everything's just been acceptable to me -unless I REALLY needed kisses & it'd been a few weeks or something- but this guy has turned all that upside down!
I want hours & hours of conversation & then I want more & then I wish he would kiss me already & then, when I know I'm not going to see him for a few days, I think I may just die if I can't at least hear his voice & oh, my goodness, it's been crazy!
I'm insatiable over him!!
Now, of course, I haven't died, & I didn't even let him know any of this was going on, but golly-gee-willikers-suzy... I've never felt so... So... I don't know.
I just don't know.
But I do know this:
I am one happy camper that he kissed me tonight!! =)
*Of course, I can already tell you now that it was exactly enough while he was here... But I'm already wanting more, & he's not been gone all for more than a couple hours!! Crazy!

Anyway, I'm sure I've no idea what's going on, but I can say this much already:
I am supremely content with the fact that we finally kissed...
I am not content to simply be his friend...
I am not content to just be a make-out partner...
I am content wanting more.
And more...
And more...
And more. =)

Hope all is well in all y'all's world...
And that you're figuring out who & what matters to You, too!
Love,
Ang