There are no words to describe how I feel at this moment in time...
But here I am anyway.
And it's about damn time, wouldn't you agree?!
It's been so many months since I last wrote, it shocks even me!
*Truth be told, it's simply been a matter of not having real internet access...
But still!!
Shameful!
Anyway, I don't really care about that.
Let's dish on the good stuff, shall we?
It's been a crazy-awful-wonderful year...
Ups & downs & all the turns we've all come to expect from my life...
Only better. =)
I finished my first book.
I'm getting real time with my kids again.
I managed to keep from becoming a slut.
I'm totally gone over a fabulous guy.
I have a roof over my head.
I've maintained my faith under ever more trying circumstances.
I still love life!
Pretty good for a chick that's been homeless & job-less again & again.
Yeah...
I'm pretty damn proud of myself. ;)
*It's really a God thing, in all truth, cuz I'm pretty pathetic on my own.
Anyway, enough with the 6-month update...
Let's talk about tonight!!
So...
There's this guy...
Who's fabulous...
And I like him a lot...
And he finally acknowledged he likes me too...
And I'm pretty pleased about it all.
He's super-intelligent & immensely appealing & totally humorous & quite fun & surprisingly honest & rather respectful & incredibly magnetic & more, but best of all: His kisses are everything I hoped they'd be & that means perfect & I'm so happy I could burst!!
Good things come to those who wait! ;)
I have been unbelievably patient with this guy...
He REALLY took his time...
And I thought I might die.
But I survived.
And, wow, am I glad I hung in there!! =)
I don't know if we're a true long-term match or not...
But he's so worth the discovering process!
It's been interesting, that's for sure.
Even before I had a clue that he was into me, I was ending it with others.
I simply didn't feel right about dating them any more.
It was bizarre.
And I felt rather frustrated at the influence he was having in my life...
Without even meaning to, I mean, he didn't know or anything!
And, at the beginning, it wasn't like I was "breaking up" cuz I wanted to be available for HIM or anything, it was just a simple awareness that none of it was working for me anymore, but the more time I spent talking with him, well, the more I wanted more...
Craziness.
And I told myself not to want anything...
But I couldn't help it.
*He is SOOO appealing to me!!
And tonight, finally, he kissed me! =)
WooHoo!!
I have been insatiable when it comes to spending time with him...
I can never get enough.
I want more & more & more!
More time, more talk, more touch...
*There's been NO touch, so that one was Killin' me!!
And I can honestly say I've never wanted a man this way before.
Oh, I've wanted men, we all know that...
I've wanted them for many different reasons...
But I've never wanted a man for ALL the reasons.
And I've never been so patient & hungry all at the same time.
Damn.
How do I explain this??
I've always been either "horny" -I know, I hate that term, but it's the one I got right now- & rather impatient or I've been perfectly content with however the "relationship" panned out. I mean, I either wanted him to make-out with me as often as possible or I was super-patient with whether we turned out to be friends or more or less -though I'm not a major fan of "less", as I'd like to be friends with the whole world, of course- & the bottom line was that I just went with the flow with everything & had such unconditional love towards everyone that I just wanted "however it works out" to be the "best for everyone involved" & I was rather "whatever" about it all. Unless I was super-attracted & wanted kisses & then I was a li'l more invested. ;)
But this is different somehow.
I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but...
I want all or nothing with this guy.
I want more & more & everything.
And, in the past, I've thought, "Oh, it'd be so great if it works out with this guy, oh, please, Father, help it to be right, cuz this guy's so great & I really enjoy being with him..." -don't get me wrong, I'm still kinda doin' that with this one- but this time I've found myself realizing that it's not just a hope & a "Oh, gee! Could I please?!" kind of thing, it's like a damn-I-feel-magnetized-to-this-man-I-wonder-what-makes-him-tick-&-I-want-all-the-time-in-the-world-so-I-can-learn-everything-there-is-to-know-about-him-&-would-our-kisses-be-as-good-as-our-conversation?-oh-damn-that-ended-too-soon-I-want-more-more-more-more-more!!
EVEN WHEN I know I'LL SEE HIM THE next DAY!
THAT'S the weirdest part.
I mean, I've known I'll see him whenever I want, at least 3 times a week, since practically the beginning of meeting him & STILL it's not enough!! I haven't been able to understand what's happening to me! I've always been so content & comfortable with seeing a guy here & there & I've floated for days after a make-out session & everything's just been acceptable to me -unless I REALLY needed kisses & it'd been a few weeks or something- but this guy has turned all that upside down!
I want hours & hours of conversation & then I want more & then I wish he would kiss me already & then, when I know I'm not going to see him for a few days, I think I may just die if I can't at least hear his voice & oh, my goodness, it's been crazy!
I'm insatiable over him!!
Now, of course, I haven't died, & I didn't even let him know any of this was going on, but golly-gee-willikers-suzy... I've never felt so... So... I don't know.
I just don't know.
But I do know this:
I am one happy camper that he kissed me tonight!! =)
*Of course, I can already tell you now that it was exactly enough while he was here... But I'm already wanting more, & he's not been gone all for more than a couple hours!! Crazy!
Anyway, I'm sure I've no idea what's going on, but I can say this much already:
I am supremely content with the fact that we finally kissed...
I am not content to simply be his friend...
I am not content to just be a make-out partner...
I am content wanting more.
And more...
And more...
And more. =)
Hope all is well in all y'all's world...
And that you're figuring out who & what matters to You, too!
Love,
Ang
