OPEN UP YOUR EYES.

Oh, I'm Testy Today.
The lack of even CONSIDERING possibilities is verrry annoying to me, right now.
What is so Challenging about THINKING, eh??
About looking through a DIFFERENT viewpoint???
About CONSIDERING something NEW?!
Ugh.
Fine.
Stay in your li'l box.
Paint your walls pretty colors.
Remain attached to it all.
I'll be annoyed, briefly, every once in a while...
And THEN...
I'll be SUPER-GRATEFUL that your narrow-mindedness REMINDS ME how fulfilling my life is cuz I don't lock myself into preconceived notions & whatnot!!! =)))
**That sounds mean & judgmental of me, doesn't it... Well, it's not intended to be, I promise. PLUS, the person I'm currently vexed with is a perfect stranger, & will probably never see me again, nor read this blog, nor even know it was "inspired" by them, either! =) Think I'm okay to vent?? ;) Whether you do, or not, I'll continue! ;)**
Okay, so...
Seriously, Folks...
Can you NOT even grasp that there are POSSIBILITIES OUTSIDE your realm of experience... That would be GOOD??!??
Really, really, really GOOD.
For ALL involved?!
Is it THAT freakin' DIFFICULT??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!
I am so annoyed with you right now.
Cuz your limited possibility range is REALLY crampin' my LIFE, thank you very much. And I do so love my life & want to expand MY own possibilities AND include you in on the fun...
BUT YOU WON'T LET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cuz you cannot comprehend that DIFFERENT is NOT "bad".
Ugh.
How many times do we need to go through this, People??
Haven't we learned?
Collectively, through all the ages, & time, DIFFERENT IS NOT BAD!
It's.
Just.
Different.
I'm ready to scream & jump down someone's throat, pulling all the entrails out, as I leap upwards & onwards TOWARDS MY OWN FABULOUSLY DIFFERENT DESTINY!!!
**Gross, I know, but tempting at times, do you not think?! ;)
K, maybe YOU don't... But I really, really, really do.
Probably more often than you'd like to know. ;)**
But...
I won't.
=)
So...
Don't worry.
;)
All the violence within is contained.
And...
LOL
I really DO understand where y'all are comin' from...
Been there, done that, was blind & stubborn enough for all of us. ;)
So, I won't hurt anyone, & I won't even be bothered by all this once I've completed this blog. =)))
I'll move on to the next situation... Knowing all is just as it needs to be... Feeling grateful for the ones that remind me why I've chosen all I've chosen... Looking forward to exploring the dynamics with a new person... Pleased I found out about said person's limited scope of thought & view SOONER rather than later...
See?
'S'all Good. ;)
No worries...
Just a li'l Testy-ness. ;)
*****AND a dollop of gratitude for all y'all that SEE MORE than what's right in front of you, or has come before... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! **I love everyone, even those that drive me up the wall at times... Don't forget that, K? =) Sorry if I offended anyone... *Though not sorry enough to not post this. ;)* I really DO LOVE you, & find you fit perfectly within the chaotic tapestry that is this life, so FEEL that love, K? Even if my venting strums dis"chord" within you...** I SERIOUSLY LOOOOOOVE all you who keep supporting me!!! You amaze & inspire me!!! You sustain & rejuvenate me!!! I love how clear & strong you help me be! I'd not love myself so dearly, & all people everywhere, if YOU had not loved me so consistently ALL THESE YEARS. So... THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU...*****
Heavens, I love blogging!!
I can release all this junk, & not carry it 'round with me!!
Such a gift!
And it's all up to you how you "take" it...
If you know me, enough, there's no reason to fuss...
So, if you feel like fussing, while reading this...
Look into yourself & ask, "Why do these words bother me so much?? What does it mean for me? Is there any part of me that resonates with what she's saying? And needs to open up a li'l more... Or be less judgmental of those that are closed? Recognizing that we ALL have our own perfect place in this life??? Hmmm..."
Or something along those lines. ;)
Love you ALL so much!!!
Praying we ALL realize where we're stopping ourselves & others,
AND increasingly challenge our own reasons for the choices we make,
Angelina

Silence is Golden... Or Not.

There are times when Silence is Golden.
I've even asked people to just. shut. up. lately... No kidding. =)
So I could FEEL whatever was going on, at the moment, as opposed to listen to someone attempt to describe it.
(When eating, is a particularly good time to experience the golden bliss of silence. Especially if one is tasting a new or exotic food. Mm-mmm-M!)

But there are also times when Silence is Torture.
Like, when you THINK you know what's going on, cuz this & that & the other was said, BUUUT you're not really SURE you know, cuz the other & that & this were ALSO said...
Ugh.
It's Torture when Silence Abounds under such circumstances.
Does one fall into Hope?
Or Not??
Do you trust in this positive sentence they voiced?
Or focus on that negative comment previously uttered??
And WHICH actions speak louder than words, anyway???!!
Ugh.
Torture.

I, personally, am a very concrete person.
When it comes to words, & silence that follows, without action.
If you SAY two conflicting things, & then ACT in one manner...
I get verrrry confused.
Am I to rely on your WORD?
Which I used to, & would LOVE to be able to...
OR
Am I to recognize that your words & ACTIONS are not congruent??
*Well, I always recognize THAT! Can't help but...*
The point is:
WHAT DO I DDDOOOOO when I see that your actions & words are not congruent??? Point it out? Walk away? Have hope you'll recognize it also, without my pointing it out?? Wait for a decade to realize you won't see it, whether I point it out or not?
*Nah, that last one is just past frustration comin' out... Nothin' to do with the current deal that's on my mind. CUZ I KNOW I'll never do THAT again! =)*

I don't have the answer to this one...
I believe it's all individual.
A case by case basis.
And I despise feeling my way through it.
Cuz I like answers. Don't you?? ;)

It's like...
When Silence Abounds,
And Actions & Words have been Incongruent,
WHEN does one release the Hope?

That's my question.

And here's another...
WHY do people NOT just come out & SAY IT?????????????????
It's like, REALLY?
I'm supposed to just figure it out on my own?
Silence means "XYZ" to you...
Duh!
NOOO!
Cuz Silence has always meant "BQA" to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here's the thing:
I, personally, have an abundance of Hope... And it can sustain me
A LONG TIME.
SO.
In order to Stop Wasting My Hope on Futile Things...
Buck up & Open your Mouth, damn it!
Call me if the apartment won't be ready on time!
Call me if you changed your mind & don't wanna go on a ride!
Call me if you're not willing to rent, cuz you want the house to sell!
Call me if you've decided you're not that into me!
Call me if you have a question about an action I'm taking!
Call me if you said you would!!!
Whether you're a stranger, friend, or whatever...
Open up your mouth & Be Brave...
Acknowledge what's REALLY going on for you...
HOW IT EFFECTS ME!!!
And Stop Leaving Me Alone in this Torturous Silence.
Capisci??

Foolish Mistakes...

I get where you're coming from...
It DOES seem as though I've made a bazillion "foolish mistakes".
But I guarantee.
If you'd walked in my shoes.
You'd've done THE EXACT SAME THINGS.
For you'd've BEEN me.
"If I were you..."
People say...
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SENTENCE???
IF.
I.
WERE.
YOU.
I'd BE You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you'd BE me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And we'd have all the exact same thoughts, & feelings, that the other person has!
DOES ANYONE THINK OF THE OBVIOUSNESS OF THIS???
Drives me nuts, the flak I receive.
"Well, you shouldn't've done that, Ang, cuz now it's this way..."
"Well, if you would've done this, then you wouldn't be in this situation..."
"Why didn't you know? It's so obvious what you should've done..."
DUH!!!
Get over it!
I'm IN the situation.
I ALREADY DID what you're so sure I SHOULDN'T'VE done.
I only knew what I knew.
Okay?
And THERE IS NO SHOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how many things I KNOW, that YOU don't, that I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT OVER, & DO NOT tell you,
"Well, if you'd had more faith in God, under these circumstances..."
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
We.
All.
Have.
The.
Knowledge.
We.
Individually.
Have.
Period.
And my MISTAKES may seem FOOLISH to you, but I AM doing the things I know & feel to do, no matter the circumstances...
Can you say the same?
Can you say you move forward when you feel to act?
Regardless of Fear?
Or Doubt?
Or Anger?
NO Matter The Circumstances???
Cuz, yeah, I may look crazy to you... I get that.
I can even SEE why...
BUT I AM NOT.
And, yeah, I may look foolish to you... I get that.
I can even SEE why...
BUT I AM NOT.
No more than you yourself are.
And any other human being on this planet.
WE ARE ALL THE SAME.
Different sizes, shapes, & forms.
Different stories & details.
Different degrees of weaknesses & strengths.
Different ratios of foolish to wise & "sin" to "righteousness"...
WHO WILL THROW THE FIRST STONE???
Go ahead.
Judge my life.
My words, my actions, my past.
Judge me "unworthy" of this help, or that.
Or tell me I need SO MUCH MORE of another kind of "help"...
But I guarantee you're off in that judgment.
Cuz YOU DON'T KNOW.
You.
Don't.
Know.
What.
I've.
Been.
Through.
And you never will...
Not with that know-it-all attitude.
*Believe me, I know... I used to have one just like it. ;)*
I'm done.
Keep seeing my life as a mistake.
Keep seeing my choices as foolish ones.
Keep seeing ME as LESS because of it all.
And I'll keep knowing who I am...
As a Daughter of God.
As a Sister in Christ.
As an Amazing Human Being, that is Both Phenomenal AND Fallible.
And I'm okay with that...
Are you?
Okay with yourself??
Cuz you're a human, too...
And divine, as well...
Just.
Like.
Me.
Foolish Mistakes & all.