The feeling that currently resides within me is so utterly complex...
Yet simple.
I'm sure I'll type & type, whether it be for minutes or hours...
There's no chance I'll describe the experience adequately.
And that's okay.
I'm good with that.
=)
Which is quite a miracle, I must say...
Considering all that's gone on lately.
Ahhhh, a deep breath.
What a gift.
Thank you, Emily, for the gift of your life...
To remind me to value mine.
Not that I wasn't, but there's always room for improvement, right?
I mean, really.
I've had plenty of reasons to be, at the very least, dismayed...
And it's time I stopped such silliness.
Especially because I have now finished a semester of college.
=)
Even through all that has occurred.
I DID IT!! I MADE IT THROUGH!! I FINISHED!!
I KEPT GOING, NO MATTER WHAT, & I DID IT!!!
I FINISHED, FINISHED, FINISHED!!
What a joy!
The pain I've felt lately does not flee but takes it's appropriate place backstage, gratefully stepping aside as joy lights up the center...
And I cannot fully express all the emotions concurrently evoked.
With music coursing through these earbuds & flowing gently through my body, with nowhere I need to be & nothing pressing to do, with the promise of lunch around the corner... I find myself relaxing to a degree I've not had the luxury of in months.
=)
This is heaven.
Knowing I am a person of depth.
Capable of excruciating pain upon the loss of a loved one.
Having continued on in my school endeavors.
Though all hell broke loose against me.
Feeling as a capable adult must.
Once accomplished in a particular area.
Flowing along with musical creations of satisfaction.
Dictating my own expressions to my fingers.
Knowing I've many I can turn to.
When I get ready to be social today.
Being perfectly content to experience all this alone.
=)
Hhhhmmmm...
Life is rich & deep & full & penetrating & agonizing & glorious & mind-numbing & breath-taking & validating & torturous & marvelous & exhausting & I'm glad I'm a part of it ALL.
Ach, & now the pain re-takes center...
=(
Emily was going through school, as well.
She'll not finish.
My heart aches for the loss of her contribution, though I feel her personal contribution continuing to effect my heart, mind, & life.
Every day I realize one more valuable gift she gave me, so she keeps on giving, even after death, & I pray I'll be the same when I'm gone...
Ahh, but I know she'd not want me to dwell upon it.
So I'll cry a bit & release this pain...
Allowing room for peace, pleasure, & gratitude to light up the day.
=/
Much has been accomplished.
Much will be celebrated.
=)
Thank Thee, Father, for ALL Thou hast given.
And I pray I remember.
Always.
Grateful for the miracle of my life...
Praying for others to recognize their own miracles,
Angelina
