You know, it's interesting to me just how clearly a child within you can make their desires known... It's the most fascinating thing, really. =) Confusing, at first, & extraordinary, for sure, but truly intriguing when one takes a step back & just looks at what's really going on. I've been experiencing it in a way that I never have before, & it's heavily on my mind today, so I decided to share! (Ahhh, the beauty of the blog!!! =)
Now, I've definitely experienced this baby-makes-desires-known thing before, but never in quite the way, & to the degree, that I have been lately... And I feel sooo, um, perplexed, shall we say, about WHAT is really going on in "my" decision-making processes.
Not that that's all that unusual; many of you have been through my pregnancies with me & recall the way I feel (generally) so aggravated with the feeling of "not quite" being "ME". =) I've expressed frequent distaste for that feeling of being "taken over" & I always look forward to "being myself again" after the pregnancy is over; that's just the way I am when I'm pregnant! And I don't know, maybe I'm just more sensitive now after so many pregnant experiences, but it seems to me that this child is a bit more, um, hmmm, forward(?)... There's definitely more, um, interest displayed towards aspects of life, & my decisions about it, beyond the typically odd food cravings & Here-let-me-show-you-my-personality-through-wigglin'-my-tush-&-jammin'-my elbow-in-your-ribs-juuuuuuust-so!-There!!!-Now-you-see-more-what-I'll-be-like-right-mom?!?-Aaanything-I-can-do-to-help...
I mean, honestly, Elizabeth made it clear that she! didn't! care! how much money she ran up on the credit card! she wanted buffalo wings (only from Pizza Hut) & steaks(???) & Jamba Juices (does it really matter if you have to drive 45 minutes to get one?) & she wanted that food NOW!!! I also stopped eating candy. Really. Just... didn't want it anymore. All of that was incredibly bizarre for me. (Well, okay, I'd loved Jamba's for years... but not when you have to go out of your way for one!) Especially the steaks, lack of candy cravings, & rampant credit card usage for dining out. WHY was I changing so dramatically & just WHO was I becoming & WHEN had I ever not been able to stop myself from whipping out that stupid piece of plastic???!!!??? "I felt strange" would've been the understatement of the century... I felt like I'd been taken over by an alien!!! (And, of course, that was just a sneak preview into how, um, single-minded my dear sweet Elizabeth would prove to be. =) In addition to all that, she did a great "juuuuuuuust-so!" by poking us back every time we tried to feel for her, or get her attention; it was awesome! (And soooooo very HER! =) We tested her regularly, to see how much she was paying attention & how long she'd "play" with us... She was always paying attention. And she'd bump us back no matter which side of my belly we jabbed, no matter how long it took her to manuever over to the other side, for up to twenty minutes! Fabulous! =)=)=) And does it remind any of you of a little girl you know now? Maybe one that was requesting, "please don't drink that anymore, daddy" & when asked why, "cuz it's got 'carbi-ation' in it, & it's not good for your body"... All at the tender age of 18-19 months... Yep, that's my Elizabeth all right! Payin' attention & doin' somethin' about it. =)=)=)
Karlianne was different, of course, just as she should be: I didn't have an abundance of cravings... Mostly I just wanted vague things: more sweets, give me sugar, any old junk will do, you know, that kind of thing. =) The only one that was specific, & indisputable, was the desire for a crisp bean burrito from Taco Time... Simple enough, right? (And cheap! =) Ohhh, nooo! It was impossible!!! I was unable to satisfy my (single, true) craving throughout my entire pregnancy... BECAUSE THERE ARE NO TACO TIMES' IN GEORGIA! One of my dearest friends even brought over a deep-fat-fryer & we attempted to duplicate them... The only thing we succeeded in satisfying was our yearly quota of gut-busting laughter because of how completely pathetic our attempts became. =)=)=) The "juuuuuuuust-so!" that Karlianne routinely did was simply this: Never. Stop. Moving. No joke! She was sooo active that I actually went to the hospital once, during my eighth month, cuz I hadn't felt her move in... 2 hours!!! By the time we got a monitor hooked up it had been... 4 whole hours!!! I was downright concerned... She'd NEVER held still thaaaaaaaat long since I'd first felt movement! It amazes me how telling that is, even to this day... Everyone who knows Karlianne knows 1) She's pretty easy-going & only on a few things will she really insist upon, 2) She really doesn't care what kind of junk-food she can get away with eating, if it's got sugar in it, honestly, she's perfectly satisfied, & 3) She is one of the most physically oriented & active child there ever was! =) Hasn't changed a bit, from conception 'til now. =)=)=)
Zeke now, he's a trip! I really believe that child will have more faith than anyone that's currently on this planet (okay, that may be a slight exaggeration... we do have a prophet in residence! =), seriously, I look back on my pregnancy experiences with him & never cease to be astounded. Everyone thought, including me, that it was my faith that sustained me, but I've begun to wonder... Some things during a pregnancy are transient, & obviously move on out when the child does, but some things are changed forever (as in the medium-rare steak that I still enjoy immensely =). There's something about when Zeke was within me... Yes, I had faith beyond any I'd displayed before, there's no doubt of that. Yes, I continued having great faith even after I was holding him in my arms, instead of my womb. But, No, I don't believe I've ever had as great of faith as when he resided within me, & our spirits were in such a strong bond. It's difficult to explain really. =) Well, whatever the exact details are, he will prove to have a faith beyond anything anyone's ever seen in either of his parents, that's for sure! =)=)=) And I don't know yet what he'll really like to eat the most, but he sure was a healthy little craver! Fresh salmon, fresh green beans, fresh pineapple, fresh everything!!! I took better care of myself with him than I've ever done! =)=)=) (See? What was I saying a bit ago? =) It's obvious there's a lot I can learn from my son! =)=)=)
So, now that I've raved about my fabulous, little darlings for quite a bit longer than I'd anticipated, I'll redirect back to the topic that got me started on all this! =)
THIS little new one, still swimmin' around in here, & the engaging, um, intensity with which certain things are made known! =)
Actually, that's pretty inexplicable as well... Hmmm... How would I even describe what's going on? I've already said pretty much all there is to say about it, honestly. I don't know... The bottom line is that this child is more interested in actions I take, than in foods that I eat. (Some of you will understand what that means to me & why I find it so incredibly fascinating. Those of you that don't, well, we need to talk sometime soon, if at all possible; try me on a weekend. =) I am continuously amazed at the types of communication that this child feels are essential, & I find myself opening up to certain people in ways I would most assuredly never do of my own design (not after all the trust that's been broken so recently, anyway). It's interesting to find myself doing things that expose more of myself than I want to, feeling as if my hands have a "mind of their own" as I'm typing more than I'm comfortable with (yet continuing to do so cuz I feel compelled to express certain things), & realizing later (through much prayer & pondering) that it WAS what was best for THIS CHILD &, honestly, really didn't have much to do with ME at all. Crazy cool, eh?
Yeah, I wish I could expound on exactly what I'm talkin' about here, but I feel better just tellin' ya what I told ya!!! =)=)=) (And I love that I feel so loved by y'all, whether I'm pregnant & "not quite" being "ME" or not! =)=)=)
Love you ALL, & pray that we all learn to respect our children's individual needs & desires, & what's best for everybody as a whole, more than we've ever done before, no matter the difficulty of laying our past &/or pride aside,
Angelina
